It is 2 years and 3 months today as I lost my beautiful daughter Elizabeth. I would never think that I can make it without her so far, but I did. And I did it literately by putting one foot in front of the other and taking only one day at a time.
I spent many hours contemplation should I write. Or not to write. A proper blog. I was worried about my imperfect grammar, about what should I actually say and about would anybody be interested in reading it. Eventually, I decided to ask an advice of my wonderful followers on the Facebook page and here I am – encouraged and inspired to document my journey. Just as it is. In an honest and real way.
So, my journey is … Well, I don’t know how to describe it! Definitely, it’s not what I ever imagined in my wildest dreams. Neither it’s something that I would ever chose for myself or wished for other people. The truth is that I don’t really recognise what it is? How did it happened to me? And where does it takes me now?
What I know is that tomorrow is Mother’s Day. Yet, I’m a daughter without a mother and I’m a mother without a daughter. So instead of having a normal day for the occasion, I am starting my third walk of love in memory of them both.
I also know that today is 10th. And every 10th of each month I cannot help but to ‘celebrate’ reaching my yet another challenging milestone.
All is upside down in my world. Like today, I woke up and first thing this morning I read a lovely children’s book by Tracey Corderoy “It’s Christmas!” Why did I do so when I have an enormous pile of other jobs to do as the last minute preparations? Because this was a very special present from the author herself who kindly dedicated this book to memory of my Elizabeth. And I just received it.
We met Tracey back in October of 2015. Elizabeth really loved books so I took her to Tracey’s event at the Cheltenham Literature Festival. She also got a lovely book which Tracey signed for her. Reading it later that evening and holding her beside my heart, I never expected to live to the time when I would read a book in her memory …
Where else will I find myself in this realm? That is something I wouldn’t dare to predict. But like a frog who fell in a bucket of milk, I will keep trying to make something positive.
For now, I have to pack my rucksack and get ready to continue my challenging journey. One step at a time, not knowing where, not knowing how? But you are so very much welcome to join me!
Thank you x
Or go to https://www.justgiving.com/Natalia-Spencer/ or you can text ELIF 55 to 70070